By Nevena Kulic and Maria Stoicescu
Introduction
The normative framework that defines ideal motherhood, which prescribes what it means to be a “good mother” in a given cultural and historical context, significantly influences women’s career aspirations, family choices, and fertility decisions. Yet, there is limited understanding about what women themselves consider to be “ideal motherhood”, particularly given that such ideals may reflect both genuine preferences and adaptations to structural constraints. In the media and public imagination, Italian mothers are often portrayed and described as having traditional aspirations (i.e., family-centered, an excellent cook, affectionate, etc.). Is this really an image of motherhood in a society that has made significant shifts towards modernity? Do personal ideals of Italian mothers differ from the perceived societal motherhood ideals?
This research note presents results from a conjoint experiment embedded in an original Matguilt online survey of 4,500 Italian women aged 20 to 50 in 2024 (Kulic et al., 2024)[1]. The experiment explores how different dimensions of motherhood influence judgments of what constitutes the ideal mother. The study draws on two theoretical models of motherhood—intensive and extensive—which differ in terms of maternal involvement, the role of employment, and childcare arrangements. Intensive mothering, originally introduced by Hays (1996), is an ideology characterized by a mother’s essential role for meeting all childcare-related needs, which is often performed at the expense of their careers and wellbeing. At the opposite end, extensive mothering, approach firstly explained by Christopher (2012), refers to women’s predisposition to challenge intensive mothering practices and construct their own idea of good mothering. These two approaches to motherhood present opposing approaches to motherhood. While the first emphasizes maternal sacrifice, the other is based on embracing both motherhood and other roles or aspirations.
Expectations
Based on prior research, we anticipated a gap between the Italian women’s personal ideals and perceived societal expectations. Specifically, we expected that women are more likely to align with extensive motherhood practices in their own lives yet believe that the Italian society still values an intensive model centered on full-time caregiving and maternal self-sacrifice. We also expected that women’s personal and perceived societal ideals of motherhood vary across social groups and across geographical contexts. In particular, education is likely to shape these ideals in meaningful ways. Highly educated women are more frequently exposed to alternative models of motherhood and are more likely to embrace multiple identities beyond the maternal role (Forbes et al., 2021). They may place greater value on professional careers and autonomy, making them more inclined to support extensive motherhood practices. At the same time, educated women often face a dissonance between early expectations of participating fully in the workforce and the cultural pressure to prioritize caregiving once they start a family (Lois, 2010).
Also, cultural differences at the societal level will play a key role in shaping attitudes toward gender roles and, by extension, ideals of motherhood. In the Italian context, these cultural differences are closely tied to geographical variation. While the North is generally characterized by greater secularism, higher levels of female employment, and more egalitarian gender norms, the South maintains a more traditional, family-centered model of social organization (Andreotti et al., 2013). In Southern regions, intensive parenting, which is centered on full maternal dedication and presence, is more likely to be considered the norm. The diagram below shows an overview of our study expectations.
How did we decompose motherhood?
Based on the previous descriptions on intensive and extensive motherhood practices, we have selected the most relevant and common dimensions that describe the two approaches: (1) employment, (2) identity, (3) leisure time, (4) childcare support, (5) father’s role, (6) food preparation, (7) interactive activities (mother-child).
Employment. Intensive mothers often experience work as a limitation of their mother role (Ennis, 2014). Being a stay-at-home mother for them may be more ideal because it allows intensive mothers to devote all their energy to childcare (e.g., breastfeed for extended periods of time; Paltineau, 2014). In comparison, extensive mothering describes employment as a source of personal and professional fulfilment (Christopher, 2012).
Identity. Intensive mothers transform childcare into a mission that reinforces both their identity and importance of intensive childcare (Hays, 1996). On the other hand, extensive mothers need time away from home and their children, placing value on their professional identity and time outside the household (Christopher, 2012).
Leisure time. The intensive mothering approach promotes maternal sacrifice at the expense of mothers’ time and wellbeing (Hays, 1996). Motherhood is viewed as an accomplishment that is reflected in the child’s successful growth and development (Ennis, 2014). Extensive mothers, on the other hand, tend to negotiate social expectations associated with mothering and are more likely to prioritize leisure time or make time for themselves (Christopher, 2012).
Childcare support. Intensive mothering heavily relies on the caregiving skills of mothers, who are seen as the most competent and suitable caregiver (Hays, 1996, p. 8). In comparison, extensive mothers have a “delegatory” approach, admitting that they cannot and do not have to do it all on their own (Christopher, 2012), seeing as ideal both the help received from grandparents as well as arranging formal care.
Father’s role. Intensive mothers are always the primary caregivers, while the fathers are usually less involved, being seen as rather unskilled when it comes to childcare (Hays, 1996). The extensive motherhood model tends to be more egalitarian and open to fathers’ involvement in children’s growth and development.
Food preparation. Intensive mothers consider themselves responsible for food preparation and healthy “cooked-from-scratch” food (Fielding-Singh & Cooper, 2023). In comparison, extensive mothers put less pressure on themselves in relation to always cooking from scratch, often sharing this responsibility with their partners and even tolerating a fast-food meal from time to time (Fielding-Singh & Cooper, 2023).
Interactive activities (mother-child). While mothers who embrace the intensive mothering ideology see value in frequent and close interaction with children, as a way of ensuring optimal development (Hays, 1996; Liss et al., 2013; Rubin & Wooten, 2007), extensive mothers may focus on quality over quantity, finding suitable moments in their busy schedule to spend time with their children (Christopher, 2012).
Conjoint experiment design
A conjoint experiment design was developed to understand personal ideals of motherhood and perceptions of societal ideals in Italy. It is a type of survey experiment that enables researchers to analyze how specific characteristics influence preferences for a multidimensional profile (Leeper et al., 2020). In our experiment, each respondent was shown two randomly generated ideal mother profiles with seven characteristics. Respondents then answered two questions: “Which of the two profiles is closest to your idea of an ideal mother?” and “Which of the two profiles is closest to the idea of an ideal mother in the society you live in?” The objective was to identify the characteristics that matter the most in people’s choice of ideal mother. Each of the seven dimensions consisted of two to three options confronting intensive and extensive mothering characteristics as described in Table 1.
| Attributes | Attribute levels | |
| Intensive mothering | Extensive mothering | |
| Employment | Is a stay-at-home mom. | Works part-time. |
| Works full-time. | ||
| Identity | Places motherhood above any other roles. | Considers both motherhood and work important. |
| Leisure time | Dedicates all her free time to children. | Finds time for herself. |
| Childcare support | Chooses to manage childcare herself, whether she’s employed or not. | Relies on grandparents for childcare support. |
| Relies on crèche and other childcare services for support. | ||
| Father’s role | Avoids sharing childcare with the father. | Regularly shares childcare with the father. |
| Food preparation | Ensures that her child consistently eats homecooked, healthy, and nutritious meals. | Ensures her child always eats healthy and nutritious meals, whether they are homecooked or not. |
| Interactive activities (mother-child) | Engages in activities such as reading together, helping with homework, and playing board games daily. | Engages in activities such as reading together, helping with homework, and playing board games at least once a week. |
Results
The results of the conjoint experiment for the entire sample of women (N=4500) are shown in Figure 2. The figure highlights how different characteristics of motherhood influence the probability of choosing a motherhood profile that is considered ideal from the perspective of individuals and society. We see that the extensive motherhood characteristics exemplified through employment, dual identity as both mother and worker, own leisure time and father’s involvement significantly increase the probability that a mother will be evaluated as ideal. Also, while the Italian women consider extensive motherhood practices to be more ideal from their personal point of view, they also perceive societal ideals as those of extensive motherhood although to a lower degree in comparison.
The differences depending on education of women are shown in Figure 3. There are notable differences between the women with a degree and without, in what concerns employment. Educated women see (part-time) work more important for an ideal mother, compared to women without a degree. In what concerns identity and leisure time, educated women are more oriented towards extensive motherhood than the non-educated ones. Differences between groups are not found for childcare support, activities, food preparation, and sharing responsibilities with the father. Most importantly, the engagement of the father increases substantially the probability that a motherhood model is considered ideal, but almost equal for both groups. There are minor differences between personal and societal expectations of ideal motherhood, with societal perceptions being evaluated as less extensive than personal preferences.
Figure 4 compares the respondents from the North-Center and South-Islands regions of Italy. Regarding personal preferences, regional differences are most pronounced regarding employment and also somewhat in what concerns leisure time. Most importantly, women in northern and central regions are significantly more likely to view working mothers, both full-time and part-time, as ideal, compared to women in the Southern regions. Regarding perceptions of societal ideals, the regional gap is similar and, if anything, less pronounced.
Conclusions
This research note summarizes the results of one of the first studies to evaluate the ideal characteristics of motherhood from the perspective of the Italian women, on a sample of 4500 respondents and through the means of a conjoint experiment. The research relies on the theoretical concepts of intensive mothering (Hays, 1996) and extensive mothering (Christopher, 2012).
The research finds that Italian women tend to view extensive motherhood, which emphasizes shared caregiving, personal autonomy, and the compatibility of motherhood with employment, as more ideal than intensive motherhood. In such framework, overseeing childcare is the only characteristic of intensive motherhood that women favor suggesting that some traditional elements remain. Also, while Italian women do perceive societal ideals as somewhat more conservative than their own, these societal ideals, as viewed by the respondents, still reflect the extensive motherhood model more than the intensive one. Preferences for extensive motherhood are especially strong among tertiary-educated women and those living in less traditional regions of the country.
The research findings indicate that Italian women ideally wish to balance work and motherhood. As Italy recorded the lowest maternal employment rate in the European Union—61.2% (Eurostat, 2024), this striking disparity—between the reality of low employment and ideal of maternal employment—is worth further investigation. Our study captures the fact that Italian women consider both motherhood and work identity as a key trait of an ideal mother. Another interesting finding concerns sharing childcare responsibilities with the father which is widely seen as an ideal motherhood practice among all women regardless of education or country area of residence.
To sum up, the results suggest that women value highly mothers who (want to) participate in the workforce and cherish the model of motherhood in which partners take an active role in caregiving without relying heavily on external carers. This could signal a request for more balance in gender roles, and a desire for a society in which motherhood incorporates and celebrates both employment and equal parental involvement.
[1] The pre-registration of the experiment is available online: https://osf.io/dwqxs
Photo by Bethany Back on Unsplash
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